You are not in control of your heart

On Relationships

This might seem obvious to some, but this came as sort of an epiphany to me this morning while on my way to work. The thing is that, I’ve been aware that I’ve always dreaded being single because of the inevitable feeling loneliness that you got from it.

I approached others, I mostly always had the intention of “Not wanting to be single”, and that resulted in me trying to be “an ideal candidate” or trying to be the “perfect guy” ( altough I’d be fooling myself if I would claim that I really ever came close in the first place ).
It’s like the advice of “don’t look for a relationship when you’re lonely, but when you’re ready”, and it’s somewhat the same as that.

You see in my case, I’m afraid of being alone, and thus I’m afraid of having “single” labeled on me, as if I was some kind of failure in life.  that wasn’t able to find this thing called love, or that I am unable to be a good partner to someone. Somehow, I blamed myself for this and I actually started building it all up, amounting into an anxious feeling whenever I thought about others that did find a piece of hapiness, or when I met new people.

I don’t know if this is a realisation that happened late in my life or not. But having had a few short flings in the past certainly helped me come to this conclusion. I’m certainly glad that it came. Now I just hope that I can take it to heart…

Thanks for reading!

You are not in control of your heart

You are not in control of your feelings

About McBuff

Working as a Revit & Blender 3D "artist" in a retail world. I've graduated as a chemist, and have graduated as a "technical artist" in the world of "interactive 3D". I have that classic dream of one day working as a coder or designer in the sector. I think that the value of the product quality is more important than profit margins and release schedules. A view that sadly is in stark contrast to reality. Generally I am more interested in aspects of life, than aspects of industry. I'm opposed to taking things seriously, when they do not benefit mankind or me. ( But that's just an opinion ).

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